Surprise!

I don't follow the same sort of regimen on Shabbat/Chag, I am still working on sorting that out. But I think it is helping.

A few months ago, I had the best week, followed by the worst week, but am trying to see the silver lining.

I found out I am pregnant! I had seem my OB and RE and been told it won't happen while I am BFing my daughter, but when I am ready to start, they can start me on some meds. BUT IT HAPPENED! I was over the moon! My husband and I were beyond ourselves with joy! I still hadn't lost enough weight, but who cared?!?! I got a beta HCG test Friday and waited for the results. Monday morning couldn't come soon enough.

Just under a week after we found out I was pregnant, our world came crashing down. Monday morning, after I called for the results (a positive!) I started spotting. There was tissue. Panicking, I called my doctor. They said it didn't sound good, and had me go for another test. That 24 hours was terrible. I started bleeding heavily and was crying on and off all day. No matter what happened the next day, I already knew. I went into work Tuesday, prepared to tell my boss my suspicions in case I needed to go to the doctor. But my doctor called first. The numbers had gone down. I was having a miscarriage, and they wanted me to come in. In tears, I told my boss what had happened, and as she has been with all of my ordeals, she was very sympathetic and told me to take care of myself.

The doctor confirmed that my cervix was open and told us what we needed to do. I went numb. But I couldn't wallow in it. I had a beautiful 1 year old demanding my attention and to dance with her and sing her songs. And deep down I knew we had still won. Even if I had miscarried, I knew deep down it could happen to any pregnancy, but the point was we had done it! I had gotten pregnant. And no matter the outcome, I had to remember, that was a win!

Chag Kasher V'Sameach