The year I got married

The summer before we graduated from college, my long time "friend" (by then my boy friend) and I had convinced our parents we should get married.

After many ridiculous arguments (and I am not just saying that because they disagreed with us that we were ready to get married- I admit we may not have been- but the suggestions thrown out over this time were quite comical. Things along the line of "fine, you can get married, but go on living in the dorms in separate rooms." see what I mean?) we were given everyone's blessing to get married.

So, we got married and moved into our first apartment together that summer. That apartment was... something. But we made the most of it, and often got compliments from friends and other married couples we would have over for shabbat meals on how nice it looked. (Of course, they didn't know about the bedroom door that refused to stay closed or the cockroaches that would take over the kitchen when the lights were out- thankfully keeping very clean and getting the exterminator we were able to limit that problem). Let's just leave it at: pretty much anywhere we moved from there would be up.

That year, we were newly married and finishing school. That was the year the financial crisis began in the states. It was not an easy year.

We didn't know how to communicate. We knew how to be best friends, but we didn't know how to be married. Juggling finances, and school, and the looming jobless-ness took its toll. The scale we had when we moved it had no batteries, as they had gone missing in the closet, never to be seen again. That was a huge mistake. Not having a scale meant not having accountability.

I thought I didn't have to be careful. I didn't eat much more or differently than our friends, so why should I worry? Boy was I wrong. I let myself eat what I wanted when I felt like it, and figured if I was not hungry, I wouldn't want to eat, right? Nope. I gained 25+ pounds that year. I went from overweight to obese. My clothes stopped fitting me. I started getting constant migraines. I thought the migraines were because of something I was or was not eating. Looking back, I realized they were probably due to my high weight coupled with stress that would trigger it (think in the middle of an exam).

My increased weight happened at the same time that my oldest sister kicked her tush in gear and brought her weight down. She had always weighed more than me. Suddenly, she was the one borrowing the clothes I could no longer wear. She looked amazing, better then I had looked since high school, and I was insanely jealous. I wouldn't say she went about it in the healthiest way possible, but even her unhealthy dieting habits were much better than my unhealthy eat-what-ever-I want-when-I-want-it attitude. I was ashamed.

I tried to start working out- but never saw results and gave up. I tried to ignore it and ignore pictures of myself- I hated how my face looked, and well, the rest of me too.

I would get moody and depressed for no apparent reason. I blamed it on the pill (which very likely did have something to do with it) and since I had a scapegoat it was no longer my fault or in my control so I would get upset and then give up trying to fix it.

That year I came across a website I highly recommend to all married couples: happywife.com
I came across it one time, but since we "didn't have marriage issues" ignored it and dismissed it. I wish I had paid attention to it sooner. It is not about having marriage issues or not. It is about how to be married and effectively communicate with your spouse. It is also 100% free! So there is nothing to lose and everything to gain. Download the free mp3s today! Do it! The guy who gives them is funny, down-to-earth, and he just gets it! Listening to these together for an hour once a week made a huge difference in my marriage, and that of other people I have told about it.  What do you have to lose?